My One Cent with Sigmund Freugal

Life tips from an advice specialist that’s so cheap it’s almost useless

Dear Siggy,

I’d really like to get super buff to impress the ladies where I work. They all call me “Skinny Pete” even though my name is Tim. They also sometimes say my body looks like four toothpicks stuck to a slightly bigger toothpick. Yes, they are kinda rude, but they are also kinda hot and I would like to shag them. However, I can’t afford the very expensive exercise machines I see on TV. Is there any way to get ripped without getting ripped off?

Skinny Loser in Madison

SLIM,

Sure, there are plenty of ways for you to get buff without emptying your bank account. You don’t have to go out and buy weights when you’ve got a perfectly free one right in front of you, and in back of you, and to the side of you and to the..OK, I’ll stop, it’s you, SLIM. You can use your own body weight! I know, genius isn’t it? Yes, there are many exercises, often called “calisthenics” that use your body weight as resistance, including sit-ups, push-ups, pull-ups, squats, lunges and calf-raises, and lots more (Check out www.myfit.ca for an exhaustive list!) And if it turns out that you’re so skinny your body weight isn’t enough of a challenge for you, then I have another option for you that may cost you a bit of money. If you go to a used sporting goods store in your area, you should be able to find some free weights for pretty cheap. A set of 20-pound weights (with no frills like rubber casing) will probably run you less than $5. I’d say this is a good option if you want to go the free weights route. Keep in mind that you may have to buy several sets of varying weights to get maximum gain, which can take up a lot of space in your place. Good luck!

Sigmund,

My years of drinking coffee, coke, cocoa, and black tar have made my teeth embarrassingly yellow. No matter how much brushing I do, I can’t seem to get rid of it. Is it too late for me? I can’t afford any expensive teeth bleaching procedures, and those whitening strips that I’ve seen in the store are ridiculous overpriced. Should I replace my mouthwash with bleach? Help meee!!!

Old Yellow

OY,

Have I got some good news for you!I just heard of a home remedy for whitening teeth.And it’s so affordable, it might be free (if you already have the materials in house, which you might).Are you ready for this?All you need is peroxide, baking soda, a toothbrush, and your dingy smile!Combine 12 teaspoons of the baking soda with one or two drops of peroxide and brush onto your teeth.Leave the mixture on your teeth for a few minutes while you file your taxes or something and then rinse, making sure not to swallow as it WILL KILL YOU.OK, it probably won’t, but it’s still not a good idea.Voila!Your teeth should be whiter than they were when you first started. The baking soda acts as a very light bleach to help re-brighten your smile.

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